If love was a balloon

"If love was a balloon"
I'm not made for love but I still chase it like a child.
I know I'm not made for it and my heart knows why.
It, oh, so often lets out a silent cry over the romance I'm missing in life,
over the palm of someone elses hand that
won't cut me like a scythe.
I can't help but see love as some candy to earn,
I was never thought otherwise, 
how was I meant to learn? Learn how to love and be loved with all of me,
no exeptions, contract-free.
I don't think I was made for love.
Not with who I am today.
Whenever I do so much as feel someone elses touch I mostly flinch away,
like a deer in headlights feeling like pray.
I tend to overthink every small interaction,
disect it into the tiniest pieces to somehow find affection.
Get lost in the words they say, already thinking about how nice it would've felt if 
they meant it in a romantic way.
I look at them with shining eyes, admiring them, almost,
just to remind myself that we actually aren't that close.
Not in that way, anyhow, cause how could anyone ever see someone like me and think "wow"?
I'm not made for love, but still chase it like a child.
Like a kid who let their ballon go and can just see it go by.
Looking in the sky, wishing they could fly 
to somehow get it back
but deep down even the dumbest child knows that's an ability they lack.
Like a child watching their parents overlook the sweets on the counter in the mall,
not knowing whether to ask or just be satisfied with some football.
Silently praying they will go back to 
eventually see those small treats 
but they never turned around again so you're left with a blank sheet.
I was not made for love, but I still chase it like a child.
And I don't know if I will ever stop looking in the sky, 
waiting for the balloon to come back while always questioning why.
There's no reason for it to return, even my small heart knows that 
but still I can't help but hang on to the silent hope that one day
gravity will make an exception and love
would have a welcome mat.

-Anonymous :)